


Memories So Fickle & Sweet

by mikayla_rose_316



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Compulsive Heterosexuality, F/F, Fluff, Implied Smut, Incest, Pining, Pretty much in that order, Pseudo-Incest, Referenced Bullying, Sister/Sister Incest, canon-divergent, minor homophobia, referenced homophobia, some alcohol abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-28 14:30:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17789138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikayla_rose_316/pseuds/mikayla_rose_316
Summary: When J’onn erases every memory of Kara being Supergirl, having powers, or even being an alien, from Alex’s mind... all that’s left are the memories of Kara just being Kara, Kara just being her foster sister... and that leaves a lot of room for certain suppressed memories and feelings to suddenly resurface.





	Memories So Fickle & Sweet

**Author's Note:**

> *WARNING*  
> This fic features the romantic pairing of Kara & Alex Danvers. If that bothers you, don’t read it. You’ve been warned. Don’t complain to me. 
> 
> I never really actively shipped Kara and Alex romantically, but after watching Ep. 4x11 I started thinking about Alex and Kara’s relationship, like a lot, and what losing all those memories would mean for Alex, and for Kara. 
> 
> This is a canon-divergent, post Ep. 4x11, Kara/Alex (Romantic Kalex) fic, inspired by ‘Bite Sized-Ch. 23’ (https://archiveofourown.org/works/8786422/chapters/21377843), so all due credit to justanexercise (https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanexercise/pseuds/justanexercise)   
> *EDIT* I don’t know why the link I had was just like _not working_ , but it wasn’t so here are the urls. 
> 
> Ps. This is one kinda bounces around and changes perspective a lot.
> 
> Follow me on [Tumblr](http://mikaylacarlierose.tumblr.com/).

***

_The distant sound of thunder rolled in, rumbling across the dark evening sky. Several large, heavy raindrops burst against her window, the only warning before the clouds split open and the sudden summer downpour began in earnest._

_Alex pulled her tank-top over her head and tugged it down over her belly. Ready for bed, safe in her warm, dark room, she crawled beneath the covers. Just as she let herself get settled, her room was lit up white by a sudden peel of lightning and a simultaneous crash of thunder._

_Alex sighed. “Three... two... one...”_

_Right on queue came the predictable, gentle knock._

_“Come in.” Alex said._

_The door opened, just enough for Kara, the sister she never expected, to poke her head through._

_“Alex...?” Just then the wind howled angrily, followed by another flash and crash, so close they could feel the house shake. The scared younger girl, let out a yelp, diving into Alex’s room and the safety of her sister’s bed._

_Alex lifted the covers for her. “C’mere, you goober.” She said affectionately._

_Kara snuggled beneath the covers, scooching as close to Alex as she could, burying her face in the crook of Alex’s neck. Alex wrapped her arms around her, their legs tangled comfortably and Alex felt the gentle puffs of Kara’s warm, rapid breathing wash over her throat. She rubbed a soothing hand up and down Kara’s back._

_“It’s okay.” She whispered. “I got you.” She repeated the words several more times, until she felt the tension melt from Kara’s body, her breathing evened out, and the storm raging outside was all but forgotten._

_Alex placed a soft kiss on the top of Kara’s head, inhaling the blended scent of her strawberry-vanilla shampoo, reveling in the comfortable warmth of holding her close. Eventually Alex began to drift off with an unfamiliar flutter deep in the pit of her stomach._

***

Alex stood only half dressed in her jeans and sports bra, distracted by her thoughts. She stared into her locker, at her distorted reflection that peered awkwardly back at her in the tinted visor of her motorcycle helmet. 

Something was wrong with her. Alex was sure of it. She wanted to trust J’onn, she really did, and he had assured her that everything was fine, but more and more over the last few days she had caught Brainy picking up the slack, volunteering quiet suggestions, supplying solutions to problems that she should already have the answers to. 

It felt like that one time she’d come into work and left her phone at home, or at least that was the closest comparison she could think of. It was like that feeling of checking her pocket all day, only to realize of course that her phone wasn’t there. Or those mild panic attacks that came, when she had briefly forgotten that she had forgotten it and thought it was lost somewhere instead. That’s how she felt now, only this was infinitely worse, and all the more intense because this was something intangible that she couldn’t identify. Something larger. Something vital. It was a piece of herself that was missing; and it was weighing on her constantly. 

“That was good work today, Danvers.” Haley interrupted. 

Alex winced slightly at the compliment, not even sure if it was genuine or not, but recovered quickly enough. “Oh, uh, thank you, Ma’am.” She said, hoping Haley would believe that she was simply startled by the sudden intrusion. 

Haley gave her a curt but respectful nod before turning and leaving the locker room without another word.

Alex reminded herself that she would have to thank Brainy, once again for saving her ass. If it weren’t for him, there’s no way they would have located those smugglers in time today. 

Despite everything though, Alex did get the impression her and Haley were working towards a slightly less hostile working relationship recently. She figured it must be because Haley was now satisfied that none of Alex’s agents knew Supergirl’s true identity. But just the thought of that pretty Kryptonian brought back that disquieting nagging sensation at the back of Alex’s mind. Only this time with the added confusion of realizing that she was attracted to the alien hero, and wondering why she’d never realized it before.

She let out a heavy sigh, pulling her tank top on and retrieving her helmet before she slammed her locker shut a bit harder than she meant to. She shrugged into her leather jacket and tugged it roughly over her shoulders, as her mind whirred with errant, useless worries. 

Passing through the doors, out into the cool evening air was like a soothing balm, easing some of the restlessness from her shoulders. She straddled her bike and started it with a hard stomp, letting the power of the engine’s rumbling between her thighs push every other thought from her mind. 

She was a skilled rider. Her bike reacted like it was a living thing that was just an extension of herself. Her rear tire squealed and she nearly got airborne coming out of the parking garage as she easily melted into the flow of the city traffic. With the wind buffeting her visor and the city lights passing by her in a blur, she was able to leave all her frustrations and insecurities on the pavement. Brake lights flickered up in front of her as the traffic light turned yellow, but with a twist of her wrist the throttle roared and she slipped between the two stopping vehicles, her front tire lifting off the pavement as she crossed the slight rise of the intersection just before the light turned red. 

She couldn’t recall even touching the brakes, not once, at least not until she coasted into her parking space, slowing to a smooth stop and lowering the kickstand. Her hands were shaky with adrenaline as she switched off the engine, and she let out a breath, taking a moment to enjoy the way the rushing pulse in her ears blocked out every one of those pesky, troubling thoughts she’d had lately.

***

J’onn sat alone in the dark of his new office, his chair turned so that his back was to his desk and he was looking out his window over the glittering city in the pitch black night. 

He worried his bottom lip, pinching it gently between his thumb and forefinger, wearing an otherwise inscrutable expression while his gut knotted itself with turmoil and concern. 

He had been so sure that he was doing the right thing at the time, but now he wasn’t so sure. He had little doubt that wiping Haley’s mind had been the right course of action, despite his initial hesitation, and the other agents had volunteered, but Alex... It was clear that he had underestimated how integral growing up with Kara had been for Alex, not just having Kara as her foster sister, but having Kara, her foster sister, be an alien. 

He had a feeling that not knowing Kara’s favorite movie would end up being the least of Alex’s problems. It had not only affected her personal life, but her professional life as well. He had removed every single one of Alex’s memories that connected Kara Danvers to Supergirl. How many times had she worked with Kara, as Supergirl, for the DEO? How many of those experiences had shaped the kind of agent, the kind of Director she had become? What kind of lessons had she learned about how to deal with a certain alien threat, or how to treat the public, that were suddenly forgotten because those lessons were linked to certain very specific memories. 

He may have bought a few days by telling her that he had scanned her mind and everything had checked out, but he knew Alex too well to honestly believe that she was going to let this go. Then there was the fact that even the most cursory scan of her mind had revealed troubling gaps in her memory that wouldn’t go unnoticed for long. 

He needed to find a way to fix this. He needed to give Alex her memories back. But Brainy had been right, he couldn’t do anything while Colonel Haley was still supervising operations at the DEO, and on a personal mission to find out Supergirl’s identity. He needed to find a way to remove Haley from the picture. 

***

Kara sat on her couch, legs tucked up under her butt, as she polished off her eleventh gallon of ice cream in two days. Two days was all it had been since she’d suffered through ‘The Terminator’ with Alex and J’onn, but over those two days all she seemed to have successfully done, other than break her own record for most gallons of ice cream consumed in that amount of time, was cry until her face was numb, which she didn’t even know Kryptonians could do, avoid the DEO, and consider every possible worst case scenario about what other memories had probably been erased from Alex’s mind. 

Memories like all the times they’d snuck out to go flying when they were younger. All the fights Alex had gotten into as a kid on Kara’s behalf to protect her from the bullies that always called her a freak; always so that Kara wouldn’t end up accidentally revealing her powers. 

All the times that Alex had risked her life. Like fighting against Kara when she was under the influence of red Kryptonite. Entering the Black Mercy’s illusion to pull Kara out of her perfect dream world. Flying Kara’s pod into space to bring her back, after Kara had lifted Fort Rozz past the pull of earth’s gravity. 

Killing her aunt... which, well maybe it’d be better if Alex didn’t remember that one, but still... 

The worst part though for Kara was that there was nothing she could _do_. There was no bad guy to punch. It wasn’t anyone’s fault... 

Actually, that wasn’t strictly true, if she were being honest. The fact was that there was no one to blame but herself. As always, Alex had all too eagerly put herself in harm’s way without any thought to the consequences, just to protect Kara’s secret. 

***

_Eliza stared at them in the rear view mirror. The car idled quietly in front of their middle school, as she was refusing to pull away from the curb before she got an explanation. Both girls sat silently, with their hands folded awkwardly in their laps. Kara kept looking up to catch Eliza’s gaze in the rear view, then over to Alex, and back to the mirror. She was trying to think of something she could say that would dispel the tension, but kept coming up blank._

_Finally Eliza cleared her throat. “Girls...” She said in a low, even tone. “Do one of you want to tell me what happened this time?”_

_A perturbed snort came from Alex’s direction, but her gaze remained fixed out the window, where she had apparently found something very interesting to study. Neither of the girls said anything._

_Alex was already in trouble for getting in the fight in the first place, and Kara didn’t want to accidentally say something that might get Alex in more trouble._

_‘It’s not fair though.’ Kara thought. The only reason Alex was ever in trouble in the first place was because of her, and Eliza and Jeremiah knew that. They were the ones that told Alex to take care of her. She couldn’t understand why every time Alex got in trouble defending Kara they felt the need to make her feel so bad about it. It was really no wonder Alex resented her, Kara almost resented herself._

_“Kara?” Eliza asked sternly, turning her attention to the younger girl. “Did someone find out?”_

_Kara quickly shook her head. She was half expecting the question, but still startled at suddenly being put in the spotlight._

_“Are you sure?” Eliza pressed. “No slip-ups today?”_

_“It was nothing like that.” Alex groaned finally. Coming to Kara’s rescue even now. “Kara didn’t do anything, alright? That boy in her class, Kevin, just called Kara a bad name. She wasn’t about to reveal her powers or anything. I just... I guess, I just kinda overreacted.”_

_“Sweetie?” Eliza turned her attention back to Kara. “What did he call you?”_

_Kara swallowed the nervous lump in her throat. Looking quickly over to Alex for help, but she just gave her sister a small shrug._

_“I... I dunno.” Kara muttered._

_“Kara, sweetie?” Eliza said sternly._

_“I don’t!” She said defensively. “I don’t know the word, I never heard it before.”_

_Alex let out a heavy sigh, saying finally. “He called her a dyke because she wouldn’t kiss him.”_

_“Oh!” Eliza replied, suddenly at a loss for words. “I see, um... well...” Finally she released the parking break, put the car in drive, and pulled out of the school parking lot._

_Eliza never finished that thought. Or at least didn’t bother speaking it out loud. In fact no one else spoke for the rest of the drive home. Alex didn’t even receive the usual reprimand she would have normally got for fighting at school._

_Once home, both girls went straight up to their rooms without any resistance, more eager to work on homework than continue their previous discussion, and neither showed their face back downstairs until Eliza called them for dinner._

_That night, after all the lights were out, just before bedtime, Kara padded down the hall in her pajamas, knocking gently on the Alex’s door._

_“Come in.” Alex said._

_“Hey,” Kara said. She stepped inside Alex’s room, but not much further. “Thank you!” She said. “For what you did today. Fighting Keven the way you did.”_

_Alex shrugged, but didn’t say anything._

_“I-I was just wondering... what does that word mean? The one he called me today I mean.”_

_“Does your computer not have google?” Alex quipped, but when she looked up to notice Kara standing there, awkwardly shifting her weight and looking at her feet, Alex let out a sigh. “I-I guess it’s like a crude word for lesbian, girls who like other girls, basically. But Kevin said it intentionally being an ass. He definitely meant it as an insult.”_

_Kara pursed her lips, that adorable confused crinkle she always got, forming as she knit her brow._

_“We... we never had ‘gay’ or ‘lesbian’ on Krypton.” Kara explained, stepping over to take a seat at the edge of Alex’s bed. “Marriages were arranged based on either status, or corporate-political alliances. I always knew that I could grow up with pretty much an equal chance of having to marry a man or a woman one day.”_

_There were several long beats of silence, and Kara let out a shaky breath. “I never would have had a choice one way or the other on Krypton. So, I guess if putting up with people like Kevin calling me a dyke is what it costs to be able to choose for myself, I can live with that.”_

_Neither of them said anything else, but when Kara finally looked over, she noticed the twitch in Alex’s clenched jaw, and could hear the faint sound of Alex grinding her teeth. Afraid she may have said something wrong, Kara hastily stood to leave._

_“Well...” Kara said, swallowing around the lump in her throat. “Goodnight.”_

_“Yeah,” Alex replied, not even wanting to think too much about what Kara had just said, “...‘night.”_

***

Alex woke up, struggling to manage just to roll onto her back. Her arm flopped out to the side and the bottle slipped from her fingers. It dropped the three or four inches, tipped over, and she listened to it, as it rolled for a bit across the hardwood floor. 

Her tongue felt fat and fuzzy and she swallowed thickly, shuddering at the taste of stale booze coating her teeth. She sat up with a horrible moan, wincing together at both the sudden movement and the harsh morning light streaming in through the sliding glass door. 

That’s when she realized she had passed out on her couch, obviously never making it to her bed the night before. 

She rose gingerly to her feet, with one hand on her head to keep her brain from rattling around too much, and carefully shuffled over to the bottle, which was luckily close enough to empty that none had spilt when it landed and tipped over. 

After picking it up and walking it over to toss in the garbage, Alex switched on the coffee maker, and sidled up onto the closest kitchen bar stool. She cradled her head in her hands, resting her elbows on the counter, and concentrated on breathing steadily, in through her nose and out through her mouth. 

Her memories of the previous night were predictably blurry, but that just seemed to be par for the course for her recently. 

She remembered coming home, after an exhilarating ride through downtown. Alex had stepped into the lift and come straight to her apartment. When she realized that her hands were still a little shaky as she untied and toed off her boots, she was reminded by her growling stomach that she hadn’t eaten all day. 

She didn’t feel like going out since she had just gotten home, and she definitely didn’t feel like cooking, so she rummaged through her drawer of take out and delivery menus, and tried to figure out what she was in the mood for. 

She was trying to decide between pizza and Chinese, despite the fact that Chinese was more Kara’s favorite than hers. Nine times out of ten, Alex figured she probably chose pizza over Chinese when she was by herself, but then the potstickers caught her eye. Those were Kara’s favorite. 

Alex smiled to herself as she tossed the pizza menu back in the drawer and shut it with a bump of her hip. She idly wondered why she could remember Kara’s favorite food, but not her favorite movie. 

And just like that, a familiar dark cloud gathered over Alex’s head. She dropped a clenched fist onto her countertop in frustration, worrying her bottom between her teeth. The same nagging sensation returned from earlier that day, gnawing at Alex, twisting her guts in knots, but when she concentrated on it, it was almost like smoke. Something was there, but just out of reach, slipping through her fingers the moment, she felt was almost had a grip on it. For the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why forgetting Kara’s favorite movie, felt like it should be somehow linked to her recent subpar performance at the DEO. 

She let out a frustrated sigh punching at her phone angrily with her thumb, and as she pinched it between her shoulder and her ear to place her food order, she reached up on top of the fridge, grabbing an unopened bottle of whiskey. 

‘Oh.’ Alex thought, rubbing her temples. ‘So that’s what happened last night.’ She steadied herself with one hand on the counter as she stood again, finally pouring herself a much needed cup of coffee. Most likely the first of many. 

***

“It’s not her knowledge or skill that’s lacking.” J’onn explained. “It’s her conviction. Her purpose. Ever since Kara came into her life, Alex’s main motivation for everything she did, was to protect Kara. Now she doesn’t know Kara’s Supergirl. She doesn’t know Kara’s an alien. She’s just Kara her foster sister and _that_ Kara lives a boring, normal life, and works a boring, normal job. The Kara that Alex thinks she remembers doesn’t need protecting. That’s why Alex seems to be losing a step.” 

“So,” Brainy surmised, “you’re saying that in order to get _our_ Alex back, we would not only have to tell her Supergirl’s identity, but you would have to actually restore every one of her memories as well.” 

“Exactly.” J’onn replied. 

“Never mind the fact we can not do that so long as Colonel Haley is hunting for Supergirl’s true identity, I have also heard that memory restoration can take quite a toll on the person whose memory is being restored.”

John nodded. “One problem at a time though.” He said. “For now, I need your help. You specialize in predicting outcomes and probabilities. I need your help to come up with a way to remove Colonel Haley from the picture-” 

Brainy opened his mouth to speak, raising an index finger with an idea obviously already on the tip of his tongue. 

“-preferably one that doesn’t include Haley coming to any kind of bodily harm.”

“Oh.” Brainy’s jaw snaps shut and he lowers his hand with a disappointed sigh. “Right... of course” He nodded. “This might take some time.” He said, turning back to his tablet. 

J’onn nodded. “Let me know when you have something.”

Brainy hummed his distracted assent without regarding J’onn again, as the Martian turned and left Brainy to it. 

***

The elevator doors slid open with a gentle ding and Kara stepped from the cab still in her work clothes with two large, brown paper bags of Korean BBQ. 

She hoped that it might make up for not being around so much lately. 

It had been one week since Alex had asked J’onn to wipe her memory, and if Kara was being honest, she had been avoiding Alex. It was hard being around her now, but they were still sisters and avoiding her all together wasn’t really fair to Alex, Kara decided. After all, it wasn’t Alex’s fault. If anything it was Kara’s. Since the day Kara had come into her life, Alex had been protecting her, and if she hadn’t needed to protect Kara, she wouldn’t have so cavalierly had her memory wiped. So maybe the offering of BBQ was more for Kara, to appease her own guilty conscience. 

Kara stopped short, her super-hearing picking up the sounds from inside Alex’s apartment. After listening to the way Alex was drunkenly stumbling around her apartment, suddenly Kara wasn’t sure if there was enough Korean BBQ in the entire world to make herself feel better. 

Kara let out a shaky breath, swallowed her nerves, and opened to front door, stepping into Alex’s apartment. 

“Oh Rao.” Kara muttered, placing the two bags of food on the counter. 

“Heeeeey sis!” Alex called out when she saw Kara come in. She wore a pair of purple cotton underwear and an old, well-worn t-shirt and nothing else, looking like she hadn’t left her apartment for a few days. She stumbled slightly as she stood from the sofa, before making her way over to the kitchen. Her too-full glass sloshed, and spilled out over her fingers, and she swayed a bit as she lifted her arm, trying to catch the amber liquid with her tongue as it began to dribble down her wrist. 

Kara reached out, grabbing Alex’s shoulder with a steadying hand. 

“Hey yourself.” Kara replied. “How are you?”

“Mmn, oh me? I’m great!” She said. “Wooh!” Crossing her ankles, and suddenly spinning in place while jabbing a fist up into the air. She stumbled out of her drunken pirouette, heading back towards the couch, unaware that Kara was frowning severely at her back of her head. “You know what would make me even greater?” She asked, collapsing back into the cushions with a huff. 

“I- no... what?” Asked Kara. 

“If I could remember.” Alex said in a loud, harsh whisper, tapping her temple with a finger. 

“Oh,” replied Kara, her spine suddenly rigid with worry. “Remember what?” She asked, in an attempt to play dumb, hoping she wouldn’t accidentally give something away. 

“I dunno!” Alex gave a harsh laugh with an exaggerated shrug. “That’s the thing. Do you have any idea how much I know? Because I sure don’t. I’ve forgot.” 

“Ohhh-kay...” Kara wasn’t really sure how to respond, or what she could say, and hoped to change the subject as quickly as possible. “You know what I think you need?” She asked. 

“Food!” Alex said, suddenly standing again excitedly. 

“What? Oh, yeah... well, that probably couldn’t hurt.” Kara said as Alex squeezed past her into the kitchen. 

“Whatcha get me?” Alex asked, peeking over the top into one of the brown paper bags like an excitable child. 

“BBQ, from that Korean place you like.” 

Suddenly Kara was smothered in a tight hug. 

“You take such good care of me.” Alex mumbled. 

“Aw... I’m just returning the favor, sis. You know that.” Kara replied, not really sure if Alex did know that or not at the moment. 

Regardless, Alex made no indication that she had even heard Kara, instead she just pulled Kara closer. Held Kara tighter. With their bodies pressed fully together, she buried her face in the crook of Kara’s neck, inhaling deeply and a sad, strangled noise escaped Alex’s lips without her permission. 

Strawberry-vanilla. 

“Alex?” Kara asked carefully. 

“I love you.” Alex breathed, in a whisper so soft Kara wasn’t sure she would have caught it if she’d had normal human hearing. 

“I-I love you too.” Kara said in return, rubbing a soothing hand up and down Alex’s back, not really sure what had come over her sister all of a sudden. 

‘This is enough.’ Alex decided. She was fully aware of the gaps in her memory, even as drunk as she was, but even if she didn’t recall another single memory, or find a way to get anyo f her missing memories back, just this moment would be enough. 

“Hey Alex?” Kara questioned awkwardly, after several drawn out, silent moments. 

But Alex only gave a contented sigh in response, ghosting her lips in a gentle caress over the pulse point of Kara’s throat. 

“Alex!” Kara choked out in surprise at the intimate sensation, blood suddenly rushing in her ears, her thoughts running a million miles per second. She felt Alex’s lips move again, but this time it was definitely a kiss. A soft, tender kiss on Kara’s neck, that was followed by another, and then another, and then another. 

“Alex, wait-” Her words were cut off with a whimper, as Alex’s mouth found a particularly sensitive spot to suckle behind her jaw, just below her ear. 

A shiver passed through Kara’s body, before she finally put her hands on Alex’s shoulders, holding her in place as she pulled away, just far enough to look Alex in the eyes She let out a shaky breath with a questioning look on her face, and that adorable crinkle in her brow. 

Before Kara could get whatever words out that she had intended to say, Alex pressed forward again, crashing against Kara’s lips with her own.

Kara’s brows shot up in surprise, eyes open wide, mind reeling with thoughts she hadn’t thought since she was fourteen years old. 

It was when Kara’s body had only just given in. Her lips began yielding. Pliant. Hungry. She moaned into Alex’s mouth, her body caving in, pressing tight against Alex’s. She spun them around together, pinning Alex against the counter; when suddenly Kara’s phone rang out loudly from her back pocket. 

Kara jerked back, pulling away with a desperate gasp, quickly trying for her phone. ‘Rao! What’s happening?’ She thought, as she dug her phone out of her pocket. 

“Oh shoot!” Kara said at her phone, without even bothering to see who was calling. She simply was simply snatching blindly at the opportunity. “I’m sorry, Alex...” She begged. “It’s, uh... It’s an emergency. I... this was, yeah...” She babbled a lie in a mild panic, while already starting towards the door. “I-I’ll call you, okay? We should, uh- we should talk, yeah? Okay, you should definitely eat something though.” She opened the door and left, poking her head back in just before the door was shut all the way. “Oh, and drink plenty of water. Yeah, water’s good. Okay? Okay. Love you! Bye!”

Kara closed the door, took about three steps, and then super-sped out of Alex’s building, suddenly afraid that her visit had done more harm than good.

***

_“Hey, Kar,” Alex said, coming from the living room, “could I borrow your computer for a minute?” She asked._

_“Mn-hm” Kara nodded, not really even paying attention. She stared down at her calculus homework with a blank expression, feeling like her brain was melting from sheer boredom._

_Eliza had made her promise to try to blend in, and an average teenage girl from Midvale taking advanced college courses in middle school wouldn’t blend in. That’s why she was stuck doing this mind-numbing busy work for the most advanced classes that were offered in her middle school, for subjects that she had studied, learned, and mastered back on Krypton by the time she was four. She hated it. She was so caught up in her thoughts that Alex’s words had barely even registered._

_Alex took a seat across the kitchen table, reaching over turning her sister’s laptop around, and dragging it closer._

_“Alex, wait!” Kara’s head suddenly shot up too late._

_Vulgar, pornographic moans immediately filled the small kitchen._

_Kara moved so quick, her chair shot out and clattered backwards across the kitchen floor, and in a flash she was around the table, slamming her laptop shut. She grimaced at the large crack that appeared beneath her hand, and groaned internally at having to explain that to Eliza later. She pushed that thought aside though, bringing her gaze back up to meet Alex’s._

_For several long beats there was only silence, the tension building quickly. Alex had fixed Kara with a stern look, finally clearing her throat harshly. Kara slowly withdrew her hand, wincing once more as Alex carefully lifted the laptop lid open._

_Kara cringed at the way the erotic sounds filtered back out, only this time through heavy static, cutting in and out through the damaged speakers._

_“I... I wasn’t watching that!” Kara obviously lied. She kicked herself. Alex always was telling her what a lousy liar she was. Alex’s eyes had gone wide, and they flicked towards Kara only briefly, before returning to the screen._

_Kara cautiously edged closer, peeking around to see the tiny, spider-web fractures that covered the entire screen. The shame at temporarily losing control of her powers though was nothing compared to the embarrassment she felt as she scene between the two women continued to play out. ‘Rao, why is Alex still watching it?’ Kara thought, as she felt the heat rising in her cheeks._

_Finally just before the... climax, as the exaggeratedly graphic moans grew louder and louder, Alex finally shut the lid again, drowning the kitchen in silence._

_“Please don’t tell Eliza, Alex.” Kara pleaded. “Her... ‘sex talk’ was hard enough to sit through the first time.”_

_There was a small twitch at the corner of Alex’s mouth. She remembered her mom’s sex talk well, with all her PhDs and overly formal use of medical terminoligy. “Did she use the diagrams when she gave you The Talk?” Alex asked_

_She let out a soft chuckle. Taking Kara’s mortified blush as a ‘yes,’ but she also felt no reason to embarrass her further. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell her.” Said Alex, letting out a sigh. “Mom’s gonna be pretty mad you broke your laptop though.” Alex said finally._

_Kara shrugged. “I’d rather her be mad at me, than have to have another version of _that_ discussion with her again.” She looked down at her twiddling fingers nervously._

_Kara finally looked up again, giving Alex a small, but grateful smile._

_“So, why were you watching... I mean, two women-”_

_Kara groaned, turning her face away again as a blush crept up her neck and reached her ears. “I don’t know…” she said._

_“Is there- like a... girl you like?” Alex asked, giving Kara’s shoulder a gentle squeeze, that she hoped came across at least, as comforting._

_“Maybe?” Kara mumbled, “I don’t know…” She had a sudden urge to be anywhere else, reaching over and grabbing her broken laptop. She tucked it under her arm, more than ready to just hide the offending thing in her room. “I don’t want to talk about it.”_

_“Okay.” Alex replied, reaching out with a hand light on Kara’s forearm before she could get away. “I’m here if you do wanna talk though, okay?” She whispered. “It can stay between us.”_

_Kara bit her tongue, trying not to let anything show on her face other than the embarrassed discomfort she felt. The soft touch though, and the genuine tenderness she saw in Alex’s dark eyes was distracting. Kara swallowed thickly, and pushed her feelings down deep, boxing them up tight, and shoving them into a tiny, hidden corner of her heart. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ Kara thought. ‘Alex isn’t into girls anyway.’_

***

For once Alex was actually using her office, one of the perks of being Director of the DEO. Normally she preferred to lead from the central hub of the bullpen. That’s how J’onn had always done it, and he had taught her everything she knew, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t another way, right?. 

Besides, what was the point of having a door that could lock, if you couldn’t occasionally shut out all your professional peers and bawl your eyes out like a child?

It had been over a week since Kara had brought that damned BBQ to her apartment, and the sting of shame still burned hot in her chest. God, what had she done? The one thing over the last two and a half weeks, that she wished she couldn’t remember. She touched the tips of tentative fingers to her lips and when she shut her eyes could recall the exact feeling Kara’s lips against her own. The one thing she knew she’d never be able to forget. 

A sudden knock on the door, startled Alex from her thoughts. 

“C-come in.” She replied, stumbling a bit over her words to clear her throat. 

“Hey!” J’onn greeted gently, peeking just his head in. “You alright?” He asked when he saw her expression. 

“Yeah, yup, just... zoned out for a bit.” She said. “What’s up?” 

“Nothing,” replied J’onn, “I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing. I’m actually here to talk to Brainy, he’s helping me with something- I hope that’s alright?”

“Yeah.” Alex said. “That’s fine. Let’s be honest, he’s probably more capable of multitasking than anyone else in the building.”

J’onn chuckled, nodding his agreement. “Well, I’ll see you later.” He said, beginning to leave. 

“Hey, J’onn!” She called out at the last second. 

“Yeah?” He replied, swinging the door open again. 

“...it’s nothing. Never mind.” She lied, changing her mind. 

He stood, hesitant in her doorway, but finally nodded and left, closing her door again on the way out. 

Once she was alone, Alex slumped back in her chair letting out a heavy sigh. To avoid letting her mind wander back to that night... that kiss, she instead decided to focus on her other problem. Her memory problem. 

She hadn’t been able to figure it out. All her research into Truth Seeker’s revealed the same thing. They didn’t cause these kinds of side effects. She drummed her fingers on the top of her desk, while she ran her other hand through her hair. Letting out weighted breath. 

‘Maybe it’s something chemical?’ She realized, surprised she hadn’t considered the possibility sooner. It could be some kind of new drug or something that they’d never seen before. Something that J’onn might not be able to detect through his psychic abilities. Of course that led to all sorts of other questions. Who was dosing her? How? But if it was the case, at least it would give her a place to start. 

Suddenly feeling excited and optimistic, Alex stood and walked as quickly but calmly as she could, leaving her office and heading down to the DEO labs. She’d have to run a blood test to start, checking against all known drugs and toxins first, and then expand her search from there. 

She was relieved when she showed up at the lab to find it otherwise unoccupied. She wanted to keep this quiet for now, not even letting J’onn know that she still thought there was something wrong with her, since he’d already confirmed she was fine. 

Mostly though, she didn’t want anyone at the DEO finding out. If anyone knew she was having memory problems, she would be relieved of duty immediately. In fact, if anyone found out that she was aware she was having memory problems and decided to conceal the fact, then she’d be in even more trouble. That’s why she had to figure out what was wrong with her. Figure it out, and preferably find a solution. Fast. 

Another reason she didn’t want anyone at the DEO knowing, was simply because she didn’t trust Haley. She wasn’t sure why. Haley had never done anything to deserve her mistrust, at least not that Alex could remember; though nowadays, maybe that wasn’t saying a whole lot. 

***

J’onn and brainy carried out their cloak and dagger meeting in an alcove of a seldom used service corridor located between the locker rooms and the vehicle bay. 

“What did you find?” J’onn asked. 

“I did some digging into the Moirai project that Haley was working on. It appears that funding for the program came through over a dozen privately held shell companies.” 

“So it’s not a government program.” J’onn surmised.

Brainy shook his head. “It may have been at one time, but it seems that just like with the Moirai, once the president issued orders to cut all government ties to aliens, the private sector, and anyone who wanted to cash-in on a payday, stepped in and took over.” Brainy lowered his voice, peering out of the alcove to double-check that they were still alone. “The money trails also revealed that there are at least nine other programs, potentially military grade, that are still in operation. And I would wager, that Colonel Haley is secretly in charge of all of them as well.” 

“Alright.” J’onn said, his mind working to process this new information. “Gather all the evidence you can on this. If we can prove Colonel Haley is involved in these illicit programs, disobeying a direct order from the president, that may be exactly the leverage we need to get her removed from her position.” 

Just then, Brainy’s earpiece came to life with Alex’s Voice. 

>”Brainy, where are you? I need you at the command hub.” 

“Understood.” Brainy replied, pressing his hand to his ear, before telling J’onn, “Alex needs me.” 

J’onn nodded, letting out a breath before seeing himself out. There was no need for him to hang around during an active operation and risk ending up on Haley’s radar as well. 

Brainy returned to find Alex standing behind the suite of monitors, proficiently and professionally checking her sidearm before holstering it again. 

“What’s happening?” Brainy asked. 

“Haley asked me to follow up on a lead for her.” Alex said. 

“Understood. I’ll tell the tactical team to prepare for deployment.” Brainy replied. 

Alex shook her head. “Haley asked me to check into this one personally.”

Brainy cocked a curious eyebrow. “That’s... odd.” 

Alex nodded. “That’s I need you running situational support from here. The address is in your system already.” 

“Understood.” Replied Brainy. 

Alex then pulled Brainy aside as discreetly as she could and leaned in close with a hand on his shoulder. “I don’t trust her.” Alex whispered. “Get me as much intel as you can find. I want to know exactly what I’m walking into!”

“Ten-four, Director Danvers.”

***

Panic gripped Supergirl’s chest and she leapt into the air with all the strength she had. Her feet left the pavement with a sonic boom in her wake, triggering a shockwave powerful enough to shatter the glass storefronts around her, split the blacktop road surface, and triggered several alarms as the vehicles parked nearby were pushed aside. 

She crossed the city through the air at screaming speed, rattling the window panes of every office tower that she passed in a red and blue blur. 

>“Supergirl?” Brainy’s voice came in clear through Kara’s earpiece. “Director Danvers has been radio silent for three minutes and twenty seven seconds. Last known location was a warehouse at the docks, 341 Coastal Drive. Get there!”

A moment later, amidst a storm of steel and glass and debris Supergirl dropped through the warehouse ceiling, landing with enough force to leave an impact crater in the concrete floor at her feet. 

There were several bursts of automatic weapon fire. Military spec ammunition bouncing off Supergirl’s body, little more than an annoyance as she quickly assessed the situation, just like Alex had trained her to. 

There was a squad of eight heavily armed men, one on the ground already, holding his knee in pain, another with a bullet wound in his shoulder. The other six had taken cover when Kara breached the warehouse from above, one with a tight fist clenched in Alex’s short, dark hair. 

Alex’s eyes met Supergirl’s from across the warehouse and she saw an expression on the hero’s face that she couldn’t remember ever seeing there before. Rage.

The rage welled up in Kara’s chest, blinding her to everything else. She lashed out with the wrath of a hurricane, crossing the warehouse in an instant, ripping straight through the steel container that the soldiers were using for cover. She threw the men around the way a child throws things during a tantrum. More shots rang out, echoing off the steel rafters. A violent blast of heat vision vaporized a concrete column, and an even larger section of the roof caved in, burying two more men alive.

When there was only one man left standing, Supergirl flanked him in a blink, attacking the man that was holding Alex from behind. She broke each one of the fingers that he’d had tangled in her sister’s hair. She broke his hand. Broke his wrist. Broke his arm. Flipped him hard onto his back, pinning him to the ground. She had her fist raised and was ready to drive it all the way though his skull. 

“Supergirl! Stop!” Alex cried out. 

Supergirl froze then, suddenly releasing her hold of them man’s collar and scooting back away from him as if she’d been startled from a trance. 

“Supergirl, what are you thinking-?”

“A-are you okay?” Supergirl asked, her voice suddenly soft and shaky. 

“-just because you have these powers, that doesn’t mean that you get to-”

“Are you okay!?” She repeated, louder, shooting Alex a hard look that stopped Alex short. 

“I- yeah,” she said, confused. “I’m fine.” 

Supergirl shoulders dipped as she let out a shaky breath, her whole body trembling now. 

Alex realized with more than a little surprise, that supergirl had reacted the way she did... for her, but why?

“Hey,” Alex said, her tone more gentle. “I’m okay.” She repeated. She stepped closer, sinking to her knees beside her, and putting a tentative hand on Supergirl’s shoulder. 

All at once Supergirl’s arms wrapped around Alex, pulling her into an almost painfully tight hug. 

“Um, Supergirl?” Alex asked, completely bewildered. Supergirl finally released her but before Alex could say anything else, warm, soft lips had suddenly claimed Alex’s for their own, kissing her with a bruising intensity. Alex’s brows shot up in surprise, eyes open wide. Then, just as quick as it had began, Supergirl pulled back, jerking herself away. She stood on shaky legs, stammering incoherently and backpedaling slightly before she shot into the air and left the same way she came in. 

“What the hell was that?” Alex asked, to the mostly empty warehouse, glancing around to make sure all eight members of the spec ops team were accounted for. She slumped back onto her heels, and touched the tips of tentative fingers to her lips. _The one thing she’d never be able to forget_. Her eyes suddenly shot open before she even realized she’d let them flutter shut. “Shit.” She muttered. “Kara?”

Alex sat for several long, silent minutes before finally calling Brainy, who informed her that he’d contact J’onn. Brainy was relieved when Alex seemed completely fine with not informing Colonel Haley about what had happened. 

It was obvious, at least to someone of Brainy’s intellect, that Colonel Haley was directly involved in planning the ambush of Director Danvers, and that gave him one more string to pull on in his deep dive into her shady dealings. 

“Are you alright, Director?” Brainy asked, when J’onn and Alex both arrived. 

They’d agreed to all meet at J’onn’s office and Brainy had arrived well before them, seeing as he didn’t have any unconscious soldiers to deal with. He thought it better not to ask J’onn what he and Alex had done with them, and neither seemed eager to volunteer that information.

“What? Yeah, no I’m good.” She said, clearly distracted, and probably not at all ‘good,’ as she had claimed to be. “You know who these assholes are yet?”

“Ah, no.” He answered. “However, using what limited data you were able to send me from their phones, I was able to find a connection between whoever hired them, and the shell company that leased that warehouse where you were ambushed. I’ll find out more once I decrypt the devices themselves and scrub them for intel. Oh, also the same shell company that leased the warehouse is connected to one of the bank accounts that I’ve also connected to several of the off-book military operations that Haley’s secretly in charge of. There is less than a point-seven-percent chance that the men who ambushed you in that warehouse were there by coincidence.” Brainy said. 

“What are you saying?” Asked Alex. 

“I’m saying, that there is an inordinately high probability that Colonel Haley is the one who orchestrated the ambush, and then knowingly sent you into it.”

“Why?” Alex asked. “Why would Haley do this?”

“Hmmn... she must still believe that you know Supergirl’s true identity.” Brainy said. He watched as the blood drained from her face, seeing something he couldn’t quite identify within her expression. “B-but that’s ridiculous... right?” He asked.

***

_It was late, but Kara was only just now heading back to her dorm after working in the library all day till closing. It was a warm night, near the end of the semester, and she was taking her time enjoying her stroll across the quad when she heard it, the sudden increase of stress in a familiar voice._

_Looking around quickly she didn’t see anyone, so she leapt into the air and flew towards the voice that she could’ve picked up from literally miles away._

_She landed in the dark back yard of a house a few blocks off campus, startling a stoned couple who had been too distracted making out to notice her arrival at first._

_All the lights inside the house were on though, and it was crammed full of people, with loud music pumping out through the open windows._

_Straining her ears, she heard the voice again and entered the house with determined strides, pushing people aside and none too gently. She took the stairs two at a time, finding Alex in the dark of an upstairs corridor. She stood facing off with a man, arms folded across her chest._

_“I said, ‘no.’” Said Alex, leaning at an extreme angle to avoid the man’s touch as he reached for her._

_“C’mon, babe.” He said. “Don’t be like that.” He reached out again, this time both his hands grabbed Alex near her elbows, and pulled her closer._

_“Hey!” Kara seethed. “She said, ‘no’ you jerk!”_

_“Kara? What are you doing?” Alex was being louder than normal, and seemed unsteady on her feet, and Kara ignored her._

_She strode right up between the big man, Kara guessed a football player, and her sister. She put a hand on his chest, and without any effort at all, pushed him against the wall hard enough to crack the drywall._

_“You keep your hands off my sister.” Kara threatened in a low tone._

_“Kara!” Alex shouted, grabbing her wrist hard, and pulling her away from the man. “What the hell, Kara?” She asked angrily. “Go wait downstairs.”_

_“But-”_

_“Go!” Ordered Alex. Kara’s was confused, not sure what was happening. She turned to leave, stopping at the top of the stairs, looking back just in time to see Alex lean into the big man, whisper something into his ear with a smile on her face, and give him a kiss on the mouth._

_Kara choked out a pathetic, strangled noise, and ran downstairs, again pushing people out of her way. She didn’t understand. She ran it all through her head again wondering what she had missed. She thought the man had been harassing Alex, pressuring her. Alex had clearly said ‘no.’ But then she was kissing him? It didn’t make any sense._

_Kara was pacing angrily out in the front yard, shooting a glare at anyone who stumbled past too close to her. It seemed like a long time before she saw Alex come out the front door._

_“Alex?” She said, feeling a flood of relief as she approached her sister._

_“Don’t touch me!” Alex jerked away. “What the hell do you think were doing in there?”_

_“Me?” Kara shot back, angry tears suddenly blurring her vision. “I-I thought I... he was... you said...” she stammered uselessly, folding her arms in an angry huff. “Forget it.” She said finally. “If you wanna play the drunk slut, go ahead, but you’re not fooling anyone.”_

_Alex’s cheeks went bright red, fists clenching at her sides. How dare Kara, her sister... after everything... her thoughts were interrupted by a violent wave of nausea, as the booze in her stomach decided it wasn’t enjoying this emotional rollercoaster ride._

_Suddenly Alex was doubled over at the waist retching violently, and Kara was there, holding her long brown hair out of the way. It seemed to last for a long time, leaving Alex’s body sore and shaky as she finally straightened back up._

_“C’mon, Alex.” Kara said gently. A hand tenderly rubbing her back. “Let me take you home.”_

_Alex nodded without saying anything, wiping her mouth off with her hand, and wiping her hand off on her jeans. She cringed as she did it, but she was really drunk, and didn’t feel like going back into that house. So instead, she just staggered along, leaning heavily against Kara, guiding her younger sister to where she’d parked her car a couple blocks away._

_The ride was long and quiet. Alex sinking deep into her own subdued thoughts, as she started to sober up._

_Kara couldn’t tell if the silent treatment was because Alex was angry, or if the hangover was starting, but either way, Kara couldn’t take it anymore._

_“Why did you kiss him?” She asked, pulling a face like she was trying to make light of what had happened. “You can’t honestly tell me you’re interested in that meathead.”_

_“I kissed him because of you.” Alex muttered angrily._

_“What?” Kara gaped._

_Alex shrugged, as if after everything, it wasn’t that big of a deal. “It was the only thing I could think of to distract him from the fact that a girl less than half his size nearly pushed him clear through the fucking wall. I still can’t believe you could be that stupid.”_

_“I... I heard you two arguing... I was just trying to protect you, Alex.”_

_“Where were you that you could hear us arguing?” Alex asked._

_“The quad.” Kara murmured. Alex scoffed, shaking her head._

_“I don’t need your protection, Kara.” Alex argued. “I’m supposed to be the one that protects you, remember?”_

_Alex turned her glare back out the window, blocking out the memory that threatened to replay in her head over and over again. The way Kara swooped in the way that she had. She blocked out the feelings she had standing in that hallway when she thought that asshole might just drag her into one of the bedrooms and lock the door. She blocked out what she felt the very next moment when Kara was suddenly there, with her white, sleeveless top, long-sleeve flannel tied around her waist. Her long blonde hair and lean, muscular bare arms. The way Kara stared that asshole down, in all her righteous fury. She blocked it all out. She didn’t have a choice. If she didn’t, it would have been enough to make her swoon. If she didn’t then she’d be sitting there clenching her thighs together, fighting to ignore the rising heat. If she didn’t, then there was a chance that she was just drunk enough to say something stupid, and she couldn’t let that happen. So instead she blocked it all out. It didn’t matter anyway, she was just drunk._

_They rode that way, in tense silence for another thirty minutes or so._

_“I’m gonna quit school.” Alex said flatly, after several more long minutes of silence._

_“What?!” Kara cried, whipping her head around at the bomb her sister just dropped on her. It nearly made her cause the car to veer off the road before she quickly jerked the wheel back and regained control. “You can’t! B-being a doctor is what you’ve always wanted.” She said._

_Alex shook her head. “Not anymore. I can’t do it. I just can’t take it, it’s too hard.”_

_“No.” Kara argued. “Your smart. Like, the smartest person I know. I believe in you.”_

_“The Dean put me on academic probation, Kara.” Alex sighed. “It was stupid to think a disaster like me could become a doctor._

_“You’re not a disaster!” Kara said forcefully. “You, Alex Danvers, are good. I know you, and you want to help people. You want to protect people.”_

_Alex let out a sigh, shaking her head, her gaze still fixed out the window. “You’re the only person I ever wanted to protect.”_

***

Alex stood outside her sister’s apartment worrying her bottom lip, one hand shoved deep into the back pocket of her jeans, as she lifted her other into a fist to knock. The door swung open though, startling her before she could, to reveal Supergirl, er... Kara, shifting her weight nervously, her concerned expression an almost exact mirror of the trepidation Alex was feeling at that moment as well. The crinkle in her brow though was all too easy to recognize. 

Alex actually felt a little relieved, at least Kara wasn’t going to try denying it. Alex was honestly not in the mood to have any kind of argument, and it would also save Alex from having to be the one to raise the accusation, and save them both the embarrassing, ‘how did you know?’ conversation, that neither of them were ready to have.

Kara stepped aside, letting Alex into her apartment. 

They stood awkwardly in Kara’s kitchen for several long, silent moments, neither one quite sure what to say. Finally Alex asked the only thing she could.

“W-Why didn’t you tell me?” She tried in vain to disguise the tremor in her voice. 

“I-I didn’t know how Alex...” Kara choked, already feeling a sob forming in her throat. It wasn’t a choice for Kara. She wouldn’t lie to Alex, not confronted face-to-face like this. “I’ve never had to think about how to tell you before.” She explained. “You’ve always known.”

Alex looked at her, the confusion plain on her face. “What do you mean, ‘I’ve always known?’” She asked. 

“You’ve been protecting my secret since my cousin, Superman, brought me to your house and dropped me off on your doorstep when I was thirteen. You always protected my secret, Alex. No matter what.”

Kara let out a shaky, trembling breath. Pausing to try and keep herself together. 

Despite what she was feeling, the obvious pained expression on Kara’s face was hard for Alex to watch. 

“I didn’t want to have to lie to you,” Kara continued, “but it was your idea, Haley found out you knew a couple weeks ago. She threatened me. Told me that I would be forced to do whatever the government wanted, or my family would pay for it... and then you punched her in the face.”

Alex swore she saw the slightest tick of a smile at the corner of her sister’s mouth, and pursed her own lips against the urge to smile at the thought as well.

“I-I don’t understand though.” Alex said finally. 

“You knew the only way to protect me was to have J’onn wipe her memory,” Kara explained, “but when she brought the Truth Seeker into the DEO the next day, you knew you had to have your memories, and the memories of every DEO agent who knew my identity, wiped as well. Any memory that would have reminded you that I was Supergirl had to be erased. You did it to protect me, Alex.” Kara sobbed, tears finally spilling down her cheeks. “You’ve always protected me.”

Alex was crying too now, and suddenly she was moving, wrapping her arms tightly around her sister. 

“Kara.” She gasped, with an unexpected amount of relief. She still had no recollection of what had happened, but what her sister was telling her _felt_ true. It had to be. And for the first time in weeks she let herself feel hopeful. There was a real solution. An answer to all the questions she’d had about her memories, about her performance as an agent, about her sister... Supergirl. She hummed pleasantly against Kara’s strong grip, she inhaled deeply, just to confirm her suspicions. 

Strawberry-vanilla. 

More tears spilled as Alex was awash with emotions. As if seeing Kara in her Supergirl suit, and hearing her say it weren’t enough, but that familiar smell erased all doubt. 

She let out a warm, shaky breath to wash over Kara’s neck. Finally Alex pulled out of the embrace, a wide grin splitting her tear-streaked cheeks. She brought her hands up, fingers stroking Kara’s cheeks, hands cupping her jaw. She leaned back in and their lips met. It was their third kiss of such a nature, but the first time that neither one of them was shocked or surprised. The first time neither of them had any urge or desire to pull away. Kara’s lips were soft and eager and parted easily at the gentle pressure of her curious tongue, and she tasted the flavor of Kara’s hungry moan. 

One of Alex’s hands curled around the back of Kara’s neck, while the other arm wrapped snug around her shoulders. 

Meanwhile, Kara’s hands had slid up under Alex’s open leather jacket, taking a firm grip of Alex’s hips. She pulled Alex tight against her, and as their bodies pressed together, it was Alex’s turn to moan, and Kara’s tongue took advantage pushing forward into Alex’s mouth. 

It was the sensation of Alex wrapping her lips around her tongue and sucking gently, and the corresponding electric jolt of arousal deep between her legs, that slammed Kara to a screeching halt. 

“Wait, Alex.” Kara gasped. “Ale-mnph...” Alex kissed her again. “Wait, please!” 

Finally Alex pulled away. They were both breathing heavy, Alex flushed with her pupils dilated and hungry. She licked her lips, ready to retake Kara’s mouth, but Kara spoke again before she could. 

“Please, I... I want this, Alex.” Kara said, causing Alex to smile. “But...” Alex’s smile slipped. “I-I want to make sure you want it too.” 

“Oh, I do!” Alex assured her, leaning in again with a smirk. 

Kara held her ground though. “No, I mean... I want to make sure you’ll want it... after.”

“Kara? Are you seriously worried about whether I’m gonna sneak out in the middle of the night? Or if I’m not gonna stay for breakfast?” Alex asked. 

“What? No!” Kara said, a blush rising to her cheeks. “Not after _that_... I meant, after you know... you get all your old memories back.” 

Alex opened her mouth to say something, but paused, shutting it again. “You think it’ll change the way I feel about you?” She asked finally. She didn’t necessarily sound offended by the implication, more concerned than anything. It honestly wasn’t something she’d had time to consider. 

Kara shook her head. “I... I mean, I don’t know, Alex. I’ve pretty much felt this way since the day I met you. And I have spent pretty much every day since then convinced that you’d never feel the same way. Then suddenly you lose your memories, and here we are. If you get your memories back... a-and suddenly you- _this_ is taken from me... I... I...” Kara, couldn’t bring herself to meet Alex’s pained gaze anymore, so she looked away. “I need to know...” Kara whispered. “Now, before I get my hopes up anymore than they already are, otherwise... I don’t think I’d be able to take it.” 

By the time Kara had everything out that she’d wanted to say, fresh tears had welled up, and were threatening to stream down her cheeks again. All Alex could do was nod her head. She pulled Kara back into a tender embrace, placing a kiss on top of her sister’s head. 

“Okay.” Alex said softly. “Call J’onn.”

“Now?” Kara sniffled into the crook of Alex’s neck, trying not to get snot on her sister’s favorite leather jacket. 

Alex pulled back, just far enough to look into Kara’s bright blue eyes. “I think I’ve made you wait long enough, don’t you?”

***

J’onn Jones rolled his eyes so hard, he figured Kara could probably hear them hit the back of his skull. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and let out a heavy sigh. 

“I’m sorry, J’onn.” Kara said. “I couldn’t keep it from her. I had to tell her.” She repeated her apology over the phone for about the dozenth time. 

“I know you did, Kara.” He said, only mildly exasperated. “It wasn’t fair for us to ask that of you.” He admitted. 

Still, Kara’s call couldn’t have come at a much worse time. He was minutes from walking into a meeting with a few officials who still owed him favors from his time serving as Director of the DEO. In fact, he was pretty sure that by the time this meeting was over, he’d be square with every last one of them, if not possibly owing a couple new favors in return. 

He did however promise Kara that he would restore Alex’s memory, and asked them to meet him at his office later that night. One way or another, he figured, this whole Haley matter would be resolved soon. 

After hanging up the phone, Kara let out a breath. “We’ve got a couple of hours. He asked us to meet him in at his office around midnight. Apparently he’s in the middle of something.”

“This late?” Alex quirked an eyebrow. 

Kara shrugged. “I didn’t ask.”

Alex smirked. “I noticed that you also didn’t tell him about... _us_ either.”

Kara squirmed slightly. “I’m sure he’ll find out soon enough.” She said. “That is- if there is an us... after.”

“Hey.” Alex said. Her head tilted to the side with a sympathetic look. She took both of Kara’s hands in hers and held them. She wished there was something more she could say. Something encouraging and reassuring. But she didn’t want to make any promises she couldn’t keep, and the truth was, the more she thought about getting her memories back, the more nervous she became. 

So instead, she pulled Kara close and wrapped her arms around her. She tried to come up with something to lighten the mood, but couldn’t think of anything to say. Finally it was Kara who spoke first, her tone still somewhat subdued. 

“H-how much do you remember about working with Supergirl at the DEO?” She asked. 

The question caught Alex off guard. She opened her mouth to answer, but then paused. ‘I worked with her all the time,’ was the first thought that came to Alex’s mind, but then she remembered that Supergirl was wrapped up in her arms, her sister, and she realized that there weren’t any actual memories attached with that thought. She knew she had worked with Supergirl, but that’s as far as her memory took her. Everything else was blurry. There were no details or specifics about any of the cases, or what had happened, or the bad guys they had captured, because, she realized, she hadn’t been fighting bad guys with Supergirl. She’d been fighting bad guys with her sister, Kara. 

Kara listened to Alex’s racing heartbeat and the hitch in her breathing, and she held her sister a little tighter. 

“I’m sorry.” She said. “It’s okay, I got you, okay. I’m sorry.” She rubbed her hand up and down Alex’s back, whispering into her ear. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just- I’m worried... some of the memories that you’ll get back are going to be painful, okay? Just know that I’m here, no matter what, okay?”

She felt Alex nod into the crook of her neck, but neither of them said anything else. Kara wasn’t sure if giving Alex any more details would do more harm than good. Would it help her to know exactly what to expect, or would that just put her under more undue stress. 

Kara turned her options over in her head, holding Alex tight, neither eager to break from the comfort of their embrace. They stayed like that until it was time to go.

“Are you alright with flying?” Kara asked. 

“What do you mean?”

“To J’onn’s.” Kara replied with a small smile. “I remember the first time you flew with me. You were so nervous at first, but you loved it.” She shrugged. “I was just thinking, since you probably don’t remember that, this’ll be like a chance to do it for the first time all over again, before you get your memories back.” 

Alex nodded, and Kara pulled away, walking over to open the balcony door. She extended her hand, beckoning to Alex. 

“So... how do we do this?” Alex asked. 

Kara smiled, pulling Alex close and spinning her around to hold her from behind. Their bodies pressed tightly together, Kara’s hot breath washed over the back of Alex’s neck. 

“Don’t you dare close your eyes.” Kara whispered in Alex’s ear. 

Kara could feel the wide grin split Alex’s cheeks. “Should I hold my breath of its better?” She replied. They both laughed, it was the same joke that they’d made as children, and it filled Kara’s heart with a very specific kind of warmth that the same joke still felt so natural between the sisters, even if Alex didn’t remember making it the first time.

The sound of Kara’s giggle right against the side of her face, stirred a warm flutter of butterflies in Alex’s tummy. Then the butterflies went bat-shit crazy as Kara’s balcony quickly fell away, and they were suddenly gliding over the city streets. For a moment the breath caught in Alex’s throat, her eyes wide as she looked down at the twinkling lights of the buildings and the traffic. She had to force herself to bring her gaze up, looking out over the city and her breath caught again, but for a different reason. The view was spectacularly dazzling, with the coast extending to their right, and the mountains off in the distance to their left, city lights as far in front of them as they could see, and if they went higher, Alex knew she’d be able to see desert spreading out beyond that.

Almost too soon, it came to an end. Kara landed gently on J’onn’s balcony, setting Alex down. As soon as her feet touched the ground she turned and gave Kara a big hug. She was still feeling slightly giddy from the thrill and when the hug ended, she didn’t even think before her lips met Kara’s. 

Kara sighed softly, but didn’t resist as her lips parted, eager and accepting. The kiss didn’t last long, but after the excitement of flying it was enough to leave them both a little flushed and out of breath. 

They took a brief moment to compose themselves. Kara took a deep breath and let it out, chuckling a bit as Alex ran her fingers through her shorter hair, mumbling something about how Kara’s long blonde waves still looked perfect. 

Kara opened the balcony door, knocking on the doorframe and calling out for J’onn.

“There you are.” J’onn said, coming down a small spiral staircase from the upstairs library that looked down on his office from above. 

“Are we late?” Kara asked. 

“Not at all.” He replied. “Though I wasn’t expecting you to fly.”

“Well, not everyone gets to experience flying for the first time, _twice_.” She said, bumping her shoulder into Alex’s. 

J’onn gave them both a wide grin in response. 

“Gotta say,” Alex said, looking around. Though the office still smelled of new paint and carpet, the decor gave it a slightly old-fashioned charm of a stereotypical Private Eye. “Every time I’m here, I half expect to see you sitting in front of your fireplace, wearing a deerstalker cap, and smoking a pipe.” Alex teased. 

“That’s definitely something I should look into.” He replied with a chuckle. 

“You’re in a good mood.” Kara observed. 

J’onn nodded. “Well, I didn’t want to say anything over the phone, because I wasn’t sure yet, but it looks like our Colonel Haley problem will be taken care of.” 

“Why does that sound like you’re gonna have her whacked?” Alex asked. 

Again J’onn responded with a laugh. “Relax, no one is getting _whacked_.” He said. “But, Military Police should be arriving at her home at any moment to take her into custody. It turns out, as Brainy and I discovered, that Haley was working on several off-book programs attempting to turn aliens into either soldiers or weapons.”

“The government knew about those though, didn’t they?” Kara asked. “I mean weren’t they originally government programs?”

J’onn nodded. “They were. But since the government cut ties with all aliens, they can’t risk the blowback of being exposed now.” 

“So we’re going to let the government use Haley as a scapegoat?” Asked Alex. 

“It’s not ideal.” J’onn sighed. “And one day I hope the people who started those programs can face justice too, but for now, this eliminates Haley as a threat so that Alex can return to the DEO _with_ all her memories.” Explained J’onn. “So Alex, why don’t you take a seat on the couch?” 

Alex glanced briefly at Kara who gave her an encouraging nod, which Alex returned with a small, appreciative smile before taking J’onn’s advice. 

“I wasn’t sure if, or how much I should tell her.” Kara told J’onn. “I wasn’t sure if having a heads up might make some of it easier on her.” 

J’onn shook his head. “To be honest, knowing ahead of time probably wouldn’t help ease the experience any.”

“Experience?” Alex asked. 

J’onn nodded. “You won’t just get the memories back. You’ll be reliving them too, feeling each of them, all condensed into a matter of days. It’ll take some time for all of your memories to slip into the correct chronological order and cement into place.” J’onn warned. “It might seem... overwhelming, but I know you’ll get through it.”

Kara passed a concerned look from Alex to J’onn, and then back to Alex. “Um, wait...” Kara said. “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.”

“Kara,” Alex said. “It was _your_ idea.”

“I know, but maybe I was being selfish.” Kara confessed. “I just wanted my old Alex back, I didn’t think about what it might put you through. You shouldn’t have to go through all that stuff. For me. _Again_.”

“No, Kara, you were right.” J’onn said gently. “I never should have erased Alex’s memories in the first place. We should have tried harder to find another way. I broke my vow to do so, and now I’m reminded why I had made that vow in the first place. This is on me. Not you. Okay, Kara?”

Alex reached out, placing a hand on top of Kara’s. “I’ll be okay.” Smiled Alex, as reassuring as possible. “Like you said, I need to remember.” 

“Alex is right.” J’onn added. “We all need the old Alex back. I do, you do, the DEO does, and I think deep down,” he looked to Alex, “I think Alex needs the old Alex back too.” 

Alex nodded. 

Kara worried her bottom lip between her teeth, but nodded as well. 

J’onn let out a breath. “Ready?”

Again Alex nodded, turning her hand over and holding onto Kara’s tightly. 

J’onn’s touch was gentle and warm, and for a brief moment Alex didn’t feel anything happen. When the sudden assault of images flooded her mind, it literally took her breath away. She let out a labored gasp, her eyes rolling into the back of her head, lashes fluttering. Somewhere she heard Kara’s concerned voice calling her name, but it seemed to be coming from everywhere and nowhere at the same time, echoing in her mind along with the deluge of all the other memories of Kara calling her name. Memories that had suddenly returned, pushed into her head which suddenly felt too full. A dull ache built up behind her eyes quickly growing into a stabbing pain, crying out for Kara just before everything went black. 

“She’ll be okay.” John reassured Kara quickly, after Alex passed out. “She might be in and out of consciousness for a bit. She’ll need a lot of sleep; she’ll be emotionally exhausted. Stay with her.” He instructed. “When she wakes up she might be confused, disoriented, and have a really bad case of deja vu, but she’ll be back to old self in a few days.” J’onn placed a reassuring hand on Kara’s shoulder. “Until then, she should rest. If you need anything, you can always call me.”

Kara nodded. “I’m not leaving her side.” 

J’onn nodded, and just like that, returned to whatever it was he’d been doing before they had arrived. 

Kara took a moment, just sitting on the arm of the couch, stroking the hair from Alex’s sweaty brow, before she stood and gently picked Alex up. She made sure to thank J’onn once again, and carried Alex bridal style to the balcony, flying her back home. 

***

The next several days were torture for Kara, and pure hell for Alex. Alex spent more time asleep than awake, but would wake like clockwork every three or four hours; shaking, sometimes crying, always in a cold sweat. The time that Alex woke sitting bolt-upright, screaming Astra’s name had been especially hard on them both. Alex dreaded falling asleep again after that, fighting her exhaustion tooth and nail, until she finally broke down, crying herself to sleep with Kara holding her tightly from behind while whispering sweet nothings in her ear. 

Kara stood in her kitchen, idly scrolling through her social media feed on her tablet, while the sound of the coffee maker percolating filled in the background noise. It had been nearly a week since they had visited J’onn to get Alex’s memories back. Alex hadn’t left the bedroom, and Kara hadn’t left the apartment. After the first four days of eating delivery food, she’d decided to take J’onn up on his offer, giving him a call and asking him to run to the grocery store for some things, but there was no way that she was going to chance not being there when Alex woke up. 

When Kara finally caught the sound of Alex stirring, rising from the bed, and then the gentle pad of her bare feet coming down the hallway, she could barely contain herself. She felt a special kind of giddy excitement and relief at seeing Alex up and about finally, even if she did look like she had woken up with a special kind of hangover. 

The way that Kara smiled at her, with all the brightness and beauty of the rising sun, when Alex finally stepped into view took Alex’s breath away. She felt a bit lighter on her feet, biting her bottom lip as she entered the kitchen. 

“Hey you.” Kara said gently. “How are you feeling? Are you alright? Do you want something to eat?” By the time Alex interrupted her, Kara’s tone was worried and she’d started babbling.

“-No, Kara. I’m fine.” Alex said. “But there’s something important I want to talk to you about.” 

“Okay.” Kara replied cautiously. All the memories that Alex had gotten back, and she couldn’t be a tad more specific, Kara wondered. “What is it?” She asked. 

Alex felt a twitch at the corner of her mouth, stepping closer. She was sure she must have a week’s worth of morning breath, but this had been the first thing she’d thought this morning, after waking up fully lucid for the first time in days. 

She reached up, gently taking Kara’s face in both hands, kissing her as deeply and with as much affection as she could put into it. To her relief, it was only a moment before she felt Kara recover from the surprise and return her kiss with just as much, if not more passion of her own, the strong grip of Kara’s hands taking hold of her hips and pulling her closer. 

She moaned into Kara’s mouth, letting her arms slip down, wrapping them both around Kara’s neck as their bodies pressed together. Kara’s fingers traced the exposed strip of skin at Alex’s waist, between the hem of her t-shirt, and the waistband of the mesh basketball shorts she wore. 

The loud rumbling of Alex’s tummy caused them to break apart with a chuckle, and she let out a shuddering breath, pressing her forehead to Kara’s, trying to recover before saying, “I just... I needed you to know that I still want it, _this_... I want all of it. Any of it. Whatever you’re willing to give me Kara. I love you.” She kissed Kara again. “God, I love you so much!” 

“Oh Rao, I love you too, Alex!” Kara said, in a gasp of relief. “I’ve always loved you.”

They both lifted their chins, tilting their heads, coming together again, but before their lips met, Alex’s stomach once more let out a distractingly loud gurgle of a different kind of hunger. 

Kara giggled, a deliciously pleasant sound. “Sit.” She said. “I’ll make you some breakfast.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Alex replied with a grin, taking a seat at the counter. 

“What are you in the mood for?” Kara asked. 

Alex actually had to give it some thought. She’d been living off of saltines and plain toast, water and Gatorade, and it was the first time in a week that she was feeling enough like herself to handle real food. She chewed her bottom lip with a childish glint in her eyes, leaning against the counter while clasping her hands together in her lap. “Chocolate chip pancakes?” She offered hopefully. 

Kara threw back her head with a delighted laugh. Alex’s eyes casually tracing the bob of her exposed throat, and she unconsciously licked her lips. 

“Chocolate chip pancakes it is.” Kara replied. 

Alex let her eyes follow Kara’s movements around the cozy kitchen, finding a strange familiarity with the domesticity of the scene, but she also enjoyed the way the elastic waistband of Kara’s loose-fitting sweats rode low on her hips, and the way her tank-top showed off her rock hard arms and shoulders, and the hard, defined lines of her back. 

Alex didn’t know she could find the muscles in a person’s back so attractive, yet as she sat with her hands still clasped in her lap, now pressing her thighs together, she found herself trying to suppress the tingling warmth that she felt was subtly starting to build into something stronger. 

If Kara was aware of the direction of Alex’s thoughts, or the way her eyes tracked her every movement, she gave go indication. Otherwise she would’ve been aware of the feelings that she sent through her sister when she stretched up onto her toes, to get something from an upper cabinet. The tautness of her calves and thighs, the way her tank-top stretched and was pulled up higher. She surely would have heard the racing of Alex’s heartbeat and the slight tremor in her breath. Instead she just continued padding with a casual ease around her kitchen, measuring and mixing ingredients. 

In mere minutes, the smell of pancakes and gooey chocolate chips filled the kitchen. Kara had poured Alex a cup of coffee, black with two sugars, just how Alex liked it, and their eyes met as she handed it across the counter. Their fingers brushed when Alex accepted it, and they both smiled a shy little smile for some reason, with a feeling of warmth filling their chests that they were both becoming increasingly comfortable with. 

When the pancakes were finally done, Kara set down a plate in front of Alex, and then a plate at the spot beside her. She grabbed a coffee, with plenty of sugar and cream for herself, then walked around the counter to sit at Alex’s side. 

They sat sideways to the counter so that they could face each other, Kara making sure to position herself as close to Alex as possible, and sat with Alex’s knees on either side of her own. They would each occasionally lean on the countertop with an elbow to support themselves as they ate. There was syrup and chocolate sauce and whipped cream as well, so when things evolved from eating their own pancakes, to feeding each other torn off pieces of pancake by hand, things started to get a little messy and quickly broke down into intermittent eating between fits of giggles. 

Alex casually reached up, wiping a smudge of chocolate syrup from the corner of Kara’s mouth with her thumb. It was something she’d done numerous times before, but this time Kara gently took hold of Alex’s wrist, and instead of letting Alex have it back, sucked the syrup off it herself. Her lips forming a warm, wet seal around Alex’s thumb, as her hot tongue swirled around it. It was the jarring contrast between everything that their relationship used to be, versus everything that their relationship was now, or could be, switching from one to the other within the span of a few seconds. Their eyes locked, Kara’s big and blue, Alex’s deep and dark, and neither looked away, until Kara finally released Alex’s thumb. Her cheeks were tinged pink, but she wore a saucy little smile, and her blue eyes sparkled mischievously. 

That’s why it caught Alex a little off guard when Kara’s expression faltered, just a little, and she looked down at where their hands were now joined in their laps. 

“Can I ask you something?” Asked Kara. 

“Of course.” Alex replied. 

“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way...” Kara started cautiously. “I just... why do you think that it took having your memories wiped... for you to realize you had feelings for me?” She wondered out loud. “-I’m not mad.” She added quickly, at the way Alex’s expression fell. “It’s just- I’m trying to understand what happened... what you went through.”

Alex took a deep breath and released it with a weighted sigh. “I guess... do you remember when I came out, and I told you about remembering how I thought I may have had feelings for Vicki?”

Kara nodded. “Sure.” She said, trying not to let old, bitter feelings bubble up to the surface. 

“I think my feelings for you were like that, but buried even deeper.” Alex said, clutching a hand to her chest. “I had no idea that I was gay, and I fought every instinct that ever told me I was attracted to girls back then, and when it came to you... I was your sister, and it was my job to protect you, and it was my job to protect your secret.” Alex shook her head, wishing what she was saying wasn’t true, even though it had happened long ago. “I was burying my feelings for you before I even had a chance to realize what they were.” She said. “Then for some reason, when J’onn erased all my memories of you being Supergirl, and your powers, and you being an alien, suddenly all that was left were the memories of you, just you being my foster sister, and I think it left a lot of room for all those suppressed memories and feelings to resurface.” 

Neither knew what to say for a long time. Alex still held tightly onto Kara’s hands, her dark eyes searching Kara’s for some sign of what she was thinking or feeling. 

“Kara, I’m sorry” she said finally, “if there was anyway I could go back- make up for all the time we’ve lost, I...” 

“Shh...” Kara replied gently, shaking her head. She pulled her hands away from Alex’s only to reach around behind her waist. She pulled Alex close, sliding her forward off her stool and into her lap. Alex laughed at the way Kara casually used her strength, draping her arms around Kara’s neck in return, and brought her forehead close to press against Kara’s. 

“You never have to apologize.” Kara whispered. Then she craned her neck up, her lips at first only just grazing against Alex’s, letting Alex complete the connection, pressing down and taking Kara’s mouth with her own. 

***

_Kara sat with her hands shoved deep in her jacket pockets, shoulders hunched against the stiff breeze that came off the water. She sat on that bench, looking up at her sister completely dumbfounded, while inside she was fighting a loosing battle. She hated herself for the way her stomach was twisting itself up in knots. All she wanted in that moment, was to be there for her sister. To support her. To say she was proud of her for sharing this, but the words wouldn’t come out._

_“Alex... i-it kind of sounds like you're coming out to me.” Kara said, trying to hide the hurt that she was feeling. “Have you felt like this before?”_

_“Not like this.” Alex said, shaking her head. ‘Why now?’ Kara thought. She had managed to keep every feeling she’d ever had for Alex buried for so long, but now with a single innocent admission, icy fingers of jealousy clenched at Kara’s heart. ‘Who is this ‘Maggie’ woman?’ Kara asked herself._

_“Have you ever been with a girl?” She asked Alex._

_“No. Never.” Alex replied._

_“Okay, what's different? I know you haven't been dating much lately-” Kara hated how the words sounded even as they left her lips. ‘Rao, how was this all going so wrong?’_

_“-This isn't because I haven't found the right guy.” Alex stated._

_“I never said it was.” Kara said defensively. “I'm just, I'm just trying to understand, okay?”_

_“You know, I'm up all night just thinking about it...” Alex said, letting out a shaky breath. “And if I'm being honest, you know, I realize that maybe I have had thoughts like this before.” She paused for a beat. “Do you remember my best friend in high school? Vicki Donahue?”_

_“Yeah, I remember Vicki.” Kara replied. “You guys had a really bad falling out, right?”_

_Alex sighed, moving to sit next to Kara on the bench, staring out across the river. “I used to love sleeping over at her house. In her room. In her bed. ...And I think um, I think I felt something then, and it scared me. You know, because... because next thing I knew, I'm fighting with her over something so stupid. And we just... we just drifted apart. I-I shoved that memory down so deep inside, that it's like it never happened. I'm remembering stuff like that now.” Said Alex._

_Kara swallowed against the lump forming in her throat, and struggled to keep the tremors she was feeling out of her voice. “So, are you and Maggie like, um- I mean, do you know if she likes you-” She started to ask, not entirely sure she wanted to know the answer._

_“I don't know.” Alex sighed. “I-I don't really want to talk about it anymore.”_

_Alex stood, turning away and leaving Kara sitting there alone, walking at brisk pace with tears streaming quietly down her cheeks._

_Kara wasn’t sure how long she stayed on that bench. Staring out over the river, her mind mostly blank except a few errant jealous thoughts. It wasn’t fair. After all these years that Kara had gone without telling Alex how she felt, hiding her feelings, because she knew Alex would never feel the same way- no. No, Kara needed to stop thinking like that. This hadn’t been about Kara, it was about Alex, and she needed to fix it. She’d kept her feelings buried this long, and that was on her. But if Alex had a chance at happiness now, than Kara needed her to know that she supported her one hundred percent. The next time she saw Alex, Kara swore she’d say all the things she should have said just now, even if that meant continuing to keep her own feelings buried._

***

It was dark. Cooler now that the sun had set, and the occasional breeze ghosted in through the open balcony doors, caressing Alex’s bare legs. She padded around Kara’s kitchen, wearing one of her sister’s button-down flannel shirts and a smile that wouldn’t seem to fade away. She thought for sure she’d be sick of that bedroom after spending seven days in there with near constant night-terrors, but after breakfast, when Kara had easily lifted her, her legs wrapped instinctively around Kara’s waist, and she eagerly let herself be carried back to that bed, where they explored every facet of their new relationship over the course of several hours. 

She shivered slightly, feeling the goosebumps prickle on the surface of her thighs, despite there being no gust of wind this time. Regardless, Alex felt an urge to go close the doors, but she knew Kara would be back any moment. 

As if on queue there was a reassuring whoosh, and the sound of Kara soft footfalls as she landed. Alex could smell it before she even turned to see Kara carrying two big brown paper bags of food. 

Kara lived for the way Alex’s face lit up when she saw her. 

“The food truck in Chicago?” Alex asked. Kara smiled and nodded, already aware that Alex knew the answer to that question by how excited she was. 

“Of course,” Kara replied, “what else...?” Her voice trailed off as Alex came out of the kitchen from around the counter. Her eyes immediately drawn downward by the sight Alex’s long, bare legs. 

If Alex was aware of Kara’s distracted state, she gave no indication, and Kara thought she might have gotten away with one as Alex took the bags from her and carried them back to the counter. That is until Alex reached down, and playfully flipped the low tail of the shirt up, briefly revealing a flash of her bare butt. 

Kara stopped in her tracks, eyes wide, face suddenly flushed, and only the sound of Alex’s giggling drew her back to reality. 

“Aww,” Alex chuckled. “You look like you blew a circuit. Did I break you?”

“Uh- a bit...” Kara muttered, before shaking her head clear. “-I mean, um, no. I’m good. Yeah, all good here.” She said, rubbing the back of her neck, the blush spreading to her ears.”

Alex laughed, stepping over to Kara, and tossing her arms around her neck. A new favorite place she found fo her arms. “I know you’re spoiling me,” she nodded towards the food, “because of what I, er... we went through, and as much as I want to tell you its unnecessary...” She touched her forehead to Kara’s. “Don’t. Ever. Stop.”

Kara let out a sigh, a small smile spreading across her face, and said quietly. “I’m never gonna be able to hear you say those words again, without remembering the way you sounded screaming them into my pillow today.” 

This time it was Alex’s turn to blush, a fierce tinge of red that spread quickly. She started to duck her head trying to avoid Kara’s teasing gaze, but Kara placed a gently curled knuckle beneath her chin, tilted her head back up and swooped in without resistance, pressing her lips firmly against Alex’s. 

With the vivid memories of what happened that day, and the feeling of Kara’s soft lips against hers, Alex soon felt the warmth bloom between her legs, crawling up her gut, and resonating in her chest where lust and love combined. It felt easy and natural to return the kiss, her arms circling Kara’s neck a little tighter, her tongue stroking Kara’s lips. She gasped as she felt Kara respond in kind, their warm, wet tongues sliding together within the space created by their open lips. 

Kara’s hands moved of their own accord, from their place on Alex’s hips, lower. She reached around, her fingers, sliding softly against bare skin, beneath the hem of her own flannel shirt that barely covered Alex’s ass. Her palms pressed against that ass, fingers clutching it, digging gently into the soft flesh. 

Alex’s moaned into Kara’s mouth, pressing herself against Kara’s har body. “Fuck!” Alex gasped for breath, breaking their kiss which left them both flushed now. 

Every moment that Kara spent with Alex like this, she felt the slightest pang of guilt. Like for some reason she couldn’t, or shouldn’t have this. That this would somehow put Alex in more danger than just being her sister did. That like the illusion of Black Mercy, it was too good to be true, and it would eventual end horribly, and she would jolt awake, and lose Alex all over again. 

“Hey...” Alex said gently. “Where’d you go?”

Suddenly Kara was hugging Alex tight, sniffling into the crook of her neck. She heard Alex whispering sweet nothings, stroking her nails through the fine hairs at the base of Kara’s neck. For a few long minutes, Kara just held her like that, letting herself calm down as she enjoyed Alex’s soothing touch. Taking a couple of deep, calming breaths, and eagerly accepting the occasional affectionate kiss from Alex on either her temple, or her cheek, or corner of her jaw. 

Kara purred slightly at the sensation of Alex’s lips on her neck. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “One minute I was trying to get you all hot and bothered, the next I was kind of a mess.” 

“It’s okay...” Alex replied. “It’s a lot. I know.” 

Kara nodded, letting a tired chuckle. “I just love you so much!”

“I know, baby...” Alex whispered. “I know.”

‘Baby.’ Kara’s lips parted with a gentle sharp intake, her eyes growing large. It was a word that Alex had only ever called her in her imagination during those quiet nights so long ago, lying awake while her senses tuned into the circadian rhythm of their Midvale home. In those late night fantasies that she only dared to allow herself when she was within the safety and security of her dark, dark bedroom. Where no one would be able to see her blush, and no one would be able to hear her gasp the word, or smell her arousal. Those fantasies that she only allowed herself a brief few times, before she had made the decision to push every unsisterly thought and feeling for Alex that she had completely out of her mind. 

Hearing the word come from Alex now struck a chord, it reverberated between Kara’s thighs and caused her pulse to skip, thudding in her chest.

“Say that again.” Kara purred. 

“What? Baby?” Alex quirked an eyebrow, she leaned her forehead back against Kara’s, draping her arms once more over her shoulders. “I love you too, baby.” She hummed breathlessly, her voice low and a little husky. “And you weren’t just _trying_ to get me hot and bothered.”

Kara’s breathing hitched, her body coming alive, thrumming like a tightly wound guitar string. They were already so close they were breathing the same air, and it took barely a twitch from either of them to close that distance. They quickly picked up where they had left off, renewed with a new, desperate kind of hunger for each other. Kara’s tongue took liberties, pushing into Alex’s mouth, and she reveled at the sensation of the vibrations as Alex moaned around it. Kara brought her hands around, closing in fists in the collar of her flannel shirt, her thigh pushing between Alex’s legs, bringing more moans burbling up from Alex’s throat. 

Alex was wet, edging on dripping, her slick quickly soaking through the leg of Kara’s sweats, and Kara needed more. With an easy movement, the flannel shirt was ripped open, plastic buttons skittering and bouncing across the floor and off the walls. Alex gasped at the sensation, arching her back. 

“God, I want you!” Alex moaned. 

“I’m yours.” Kara replied, moving her hungry lips down to Alex’s sensuous throat, licking and nipping lightly “Take me.” 

Without needing to be asked a second time, Alex grabbed hastily at the hem of Kara’s tank-top, pulling up and over her head before tossing it away somewhere, then she sank to her knees, taking Kara’s sweats to the floor with her. In less than a minute, Kara was as naked as Alex was. 

Alex stood quickly, Kara’s last words echoing in her head, and throbbing in other places. She quirked her lips in a smile, reached down, grabbing Kara by the back of her thighs and lifted her. It wasn’t nearly as effortless as Kara made it look, but Alex was strong and athletic and trained tirelessly in self-defense. She wasn’t exactly struggling either. In any event, the action had the desired effect on Kara, who reflexively wrapped her strong, toned legs around Alex’s waist, and threw her head back in a surprised fit of laughter. 

“Holy shit!” She squealed as Alex carried her over to the couch, putting her down as gently as she could. 

Alex laughed too. “Did you just curse?” She asked, unable to even remember the last time she heard a bad word escape her sister’s lips. 

“Wha- no... maybe!” Kara said defensively. “You took me by surprise.”

“I’m about to take you.” Alex replied. She held herself only just above kara, her dark, hooded eyes staring intensely into Kara’s. As Kara quickly grew quiet and her blush again reached the tips of her ears, Alex decided to make it her personal mission to make Kara curse again and again and again, before the night was through.


End file.
